It is amazing how quickly my perspective has changed as a mother. When we were driving here, a kid driving way too fast on a motorcycle in chuck taylors, jeans and no helmet flew past me. For the first time, I didn't think - how foolish that kid is to be so risky. Instead, I felt anger, and thought - how dare he put me and my daughter in danger with his behavior! I also feel irrational anger at construction and 5:00 traffic when I get stopped - don't they know I have a baby in the car who hates stopping!!!?!?!! They should make an exception and let me go by! (I also felt this way when I was pregnant and had to pee!)
Again, on this relatively short road trip, I felt the shifting of priorities, now that I have Lila with me. Stopping to pee is not an option, particularly if she is sleeping. Neither is stopping to eat. Being tired is not an option. These sacrifices I make so easily these days.
We are only a little over 24 hours into our week without Daddy, and already I am missing him, and the relief he provides me. There will be many sacrifices this week - sleep, going out with family or friends as I am used to doing when visiting Ohio, the comforts of our own home and beds. But I expect these sacrifices to be easier every time I hold Lila and watch her smile.
My heart is heavy right now for several friends I know who are struggling with very sick children, in and out of the hospital, in the NICU, with unknown diagnoses. When I think of these families, I feel ashamed for being frustrated when Lila wakes me in the middle of the night, wanting to eat yet again. I hope to move forward, feeling blessed.
Margaret looks in on cousin Lila playing in her crib.

Lila sleeps after a busy morning on the playmat

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