Perspective

It is Joe's first trip away from home since Lila has been born - he is gone for one week. Rather than brave it alone, I decided to come to Ohio for the week to be with my family. So it also meant my first road trip with Lila alone, and for the week ahead, my first overnights alone with her among other things. It was hard to say goodbye to Joe for the week. Since the beginning of our relationship, there have been more weeks than I can count that we have had to be apart due to the nature of Joe's work. In recent years these trips have been far fewer, and they have also been made easier by my busy schedule and the company of Sage, our boxer. But this trip was different, as I was saying goodbye not only to my husband, but also the father of my baby. So the goodbye was hard, and we have begun the week, the two of us.
It is amazing how quickly my perspective has changed as a mother. When we were driving here, a kid driving way too fast on a motorcycle in chuck taylors, jeans and no helmet flew past me. For the first time, I didn't think - how foolish that kid is to be so risky. Instead, I felt anger, and thought - how dare he put me and my daughter in danger with his behavior! I also feel irrational anger at construction and 5:00 traffic when I get stopped - don't they know I have a baby in the car who hates stopping!!!?!?!! They should make an exception and let me go by! (I also felt this way when I was pregnant and had to pee!)
Again, on this relatively short road trip, I felt the shifting of priorities, now that I have Lila with me. Stopping to pee is not an option, particularly if she is sleeping. Neither is stopping to eat. Being tired is not an option. These sacrifices I make so easily these days.
We are only a little over 24 hours into our week without Daddy, and already I am missing him, and the relief he provides me. There will be many sacrifices this week - sleep, going out with family or friends as I am used to doing when visiting Ohio, the comforts of our own home and beds. But I expect these sacrifices to be easier every time I hold Lila and watch her smile.
My heart is heavy right now for several friends I know who are struggling with very sick children, in and out of the hospital, in the NICU, with unknown diagnoses. When I think of these families, I feel ashamed for being frustrated when Lila wakes me in the middle of the night, wanting to eat yet again. I hope to move forward, feeling blessed.



Margaret looks in on cousin Lila playing in her crib.



Lila sleeps after a busy morning on the playmat