As I have gone back to work this week, I have had the opportunity to tell Lila's birth story (abbreviated) a few times, which has led me to want to write it down once and for all. I have told it detailed in a few emails to friends, and my mom videoed me telling it to some friends at the hospital, but I figured I would write down as much as I can remember before I forget! So read on if you want...details will not be spared :)
I prepared for Lila's birth as if preparing for a marathon. I spent months getting ready mentally, physically and emotionally. Ever since taking an anthropology class on childbirth in college, I had hoped I could one day experience a natural childbirth, but when the time actually came, once I was pregnant, I was pretty nervous about the whole idea, so I decided to get as informed as possible. I took prenatal yoga weekly from about 18wks pregnant, I read books, watched videos and documentaries, hired a doula, and took a natural childbirth class, as well as choosing midwives as my practitioners. At the beginning of June, it was time to see if it would pay off. We had several "false starts" in the weeks leading up to Lila's birthday. I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks since 20 weeks, so they were no surprise, and not convincing most of the time, though in the last two weeks I had several stretches of hours of regular, painful Braxton Hicks, including one night which led us to call our doula (then later to call her off when they stopped).
On Sunday, June 5th, Joe and I woke up late and decided to go for a walk on the rail trail with Sage. We chose a section we don't usually walk on, and did a little exploring down by Decker's Creek. Within a few minutes of walking, I began the contractions, which was by no means unusual, to the point that I don't think I even mentioned them to Joe, or even looked at a clock to see if they were regular. I would guess they were approximately 20 minutes apart, and strong enough to make me slow down a little, but at 40 weeks pregnant, I was not walking too fast anyway =) After our walk, we headed to Lowes. The contractions continued, but still nothing special after weeks of this. Joe was being particularly lazy about this Lowes trip, not sure which project to focus on and we wandered for at least an hour. I remember being absolutely exhausted after the walk, then being on my feet. I kept finding piles of materials to sit on while Joe looked at this and that. The contractions were a little stronger, and I figured I needed some serious water after that walk, and I finally told Joe I had reached my limit and needed to go home. Still had not looked at a clock or timed any contractions, but at this point, they were just keeping steady probably still about 20 minutes apart. We got home, had lunch, and did a little yard work. I actually did some supervising while Joe did some yard work. I had plans at about 3 to see a movie with my friend Meg, also pregnant, who would have baby Adeline 12 days after Lila was born. We had made plans to escape the heat in some air conditioning! I drove and picked Meg up, and we joked in the car about Meg being prepared to leave the movie and drive me to the hospital if I went into labor. I didn't mention the contractions I had been having, as I figured after sitting in the cool theater and drinking some water (plus eating some popcorn!) they would subside. Also at this time started to feel a bit discouraged that I would have to go to work the next day (a Monday) as that Friday I had prepared everything in case I did not return. During the movie, I finally started to take notice of the contractions. While I don't think they got any closer together (still my guess at no more than 15 - 20 minutes apart), they were feeling curiously different. I was very uncomfortable sitting down during each one, and had to shift positions and squirm, enough that Meg noticed whenever I was having one. I remember thinking that walk and Lowes must have really taken it out of me. I drove Meg home, and as soon as she got out of the car, I had a contraction that caused me to grip the steering wheel and really take notice. I began to think...
When I got home, Joe was doing some homework at the dining room table. I mentioned that I had been having contractions since this morning, and they were stronger than usual. I don't think Joe even looked up from his laptop. He had heard this a few times before! We made dinner (don't remember what we had), and I asked Joe to go for a walk with me, figuring that if this was it, I wanted to keep it going. By the end of our short walk, I was having to seriously slow down during each contraction. When we got home, it was probably 7pm, and I finally timed my contractions to find they were about 10 minutes apart. Still nothing too exciting. I was getting anxious/excited to see where this would go, and I wanted to keep busy, so I started some laundry, and baked some brownies. I called my sister and told her I was having contractions, but we kind of joked about it...she had also heard this before! By about 9:00pm, I was feeling pretty sure this was it. I was having to completely stop what I was doing during a contraction, and there was a notable difference between these and the Braxton Hicks I had before. I began to wonder if Lila was posterior (she was!) because my contractions were completely felt in my back. No feeling of tightening in my uterus whatsoever, just incredibly achy contractions across my back. Odd and indescribable feeling. The contractions were 6-8 minutes apart by about 10pm. I told Joe I was pretty sure this was it, and that I wanted to go upstairs, watch something on the laptop while I tried to rest. Joe very slowly pulled himself away from what he was doing to move upstairs and support me. Around 10:30, he went up to the attic to try to find his watch so he could officially time the contractions. He spent what felt like an eternity up there while I went through the first few contractions that I would have finally described as painful. Definitely getting more intense, and I experimented with some different positions I had learned in class to ease the discomfort. My favorite was to lean over (on the bed, the birthing ball, the wall, whatever was there) and rest my head in my arms while I swayed my hips from side to side. This is how I would handle every contraction from here on out until the very end. When Joe got back from the attic, I told him, quite sternly, that this was it. He was not to leave me anymore. I needed him by my side. We spent about an hour (though time had no meaning to me at this point. I just remember some landmarks times when I looked at the clock to see what time it was) and a little before midnight my contractions hit 5 minutes apart. I told Joe to call Lenore, our doula, who lived about 20 minutes away. Joe called and gave the story. As Lenore had heard once before that I was 5 minutes apart (two weeks before), she said she would get her stuff together, but suggested I get in the shower and see how that affected my contractions. I did just that, and Joe timed my contractions. Within a few minutes of me being in the shower, the contractions sped up and I had several at 3 minutes apart. Joe panicked, ordered me out of the shower, and called Lenore back asking her to come right away. I got out of the shower and slowly put on shorts and a t-shirt (Joe's clothes), while Joe ran around loading the car with the bags we had packed previously. After our childbirth class, we put together our bags - one for me and baby with clothes, toiletries, etc. The other had some items for Joe, (they had suggested swim trunks and flip flops for Joe in case we got in the shower, also long sleeves since I may be hot and want the room really cool, for example), and lots of birthing items...washclothes, snacks, massage tools and oils, we even loaded my birthing ball (big exercise ball) into the trunk of my station wagon. We were prepared! We made our way down to the living room, and Lenore arrived when I was in mid-contraction, leaning on the fireplace mantle - they were back to 5 minutes apart since I got out of the shower. She could tell upon seeing me that I was in labor for real this time, and started some Iphone App that timed my contractions and recorded them. Who knew!? Lenore was great at calming us, getting us snacks and drinks, and suggesting ways for me to rest and relax. She even played with Sage who was a little anxious, realizing something was going on for us to be loading the car and up and about after midnight. I tried to lay down to rest, but since the contractions were in my back, this was very uncomfortable, so I got back up. We were in pretty good spirits at this point, as my contractions were very slowly getting closer together, I had a few minutes between each one to chat and talk things through. At this point, Joe had sent a text to his family that I was in labor, but for some reason I was insistent that we not text my family until I was on my way to the hospital. I for some reason did not want to wake anyone up, and then have them be awake all night waiting to hear more news. Joe did take a short video of me announcing I was in labor (between contractions) that he planned to send as soon as we arrived at the hospital. About 2am, things started getting pretty intense, though I was pretty stuck at 4 minutes apart. I got back in the shower for awhile, which helped things along, but eventually I had to get out because I needed the support of another person to get through the contractions at this point. Joe had learned to squeeze my hips at the child birth class, that this really helped to relieve some discomfort (I kept telling him go ahead and squeeze harder, he wasnt hurting me...and Joe would gasp that he was squeezing as hard as he could!). After this, we staked out in the kitchen. We have a high table in there that I liked leaning on during contractions, and it was also near the bathroom which I was using quite a bit at this point (caution: graphic detail) as I was finally having my bloody show, and also emptying my bowels over the course of several contractions. Joe and I entered a new level of closeness as he supported me through contractions while I was sitting on the toilet! While I sat there in between contractions, I was aware that Joe and Lenore were discussing moving to the hospital as my contractions had finally reached 3 minutes apart, which was our goal time for me to stay home until. It was around 3am. Joe got some last minute things together, and Lenore came to help me to the car. Almost immediately, I had several contractions just under 2 minutes apart, and so we started to move a little faster. Lenore and I started outside while Joe locked up, and I leaned against the car to have one last contraction, knowing it would be extremely uncomfortable once I got in the car. During this contraction, my water broke, all over the side walk. I remember thinking it was great timing, as it didnt break either in the house, or in the car, and also noting that immediately upon my water breaking, the contractions got more painful. Looking back, not sure I would have made it as well at home for so long if my water had broken earlier, judging by the degree to which it got more painful. I should mention that over the past two hours, I was beginning to see the benefit of using my voice to help myself through contractions, by moaning with my breaths. I had always wondered if I would be a "screamer" and figured I would be too self conscious to be loud while in labor. Ha. As soon as I got in the car, I warned Joe as he pulled away that I might be a little louder with contractions now, but to just keep driving. The very next contraction, I was screaming! It was 3:15am, and a surprising number of people were out on the streets downtown. It was hot and humid and the windows were down. Wonder what people thought as we drove by. My contractions were on top of each other, and my biggest fear had come true. I was in transition in the car, before we made it to the hospital. I had hoped to be settled, with all my comfort items that we had packed available when this happened. But it didnt go that way. We live about 6 minutes from the hospital (luckily!) and it was very foggy. I remember being nervous about the several speed bumps we would have to pass over to get to the ED entrance, and yelling almost constantly on the trip. As we were driving in front of the hospital, around the corner form the ED entrance, I learned what it meant to have "the urge" to push. I yelled that I was pushing, and braced my feet against the floor of the car to try to stop. Joe yelled back to knock it off, as we pulled up to the ED. There was a valet kid, probably about 19 years old, with huge eyes watching us pull up. He didnt seem to know what to do. Joe yelled at him to get a wheelchair, and started getting some bags out of the car while I stayed put, another contraction starting. Joe abandoned the bags and came to support me, then helped me out of the car and into the wheelchair. A resident came out of the ED, then literally looked at me and backed back in, wanting nothing to do with me! haha. Joe threw the keys on the seat of the car, bags on the sidewalk, doors open, and pushed me in. Someone called out to us something about registration, to which I yelled a few choice words, and pointed Joe in the direction of the back elevators. Doors began opening for us, and we made our way, by ourselves, up to labor and delivery. I was still trying not to push, but transition seemed to be ending, and I had a few minutes between contractions again, for me to catch my breath. Our doula had beat us to the hospital, and had let the floor know I was coming, and I was close. Thank goodness they didnt bother triaging me, but put me straight in a delivery room. I think they could hear me coming, as all self-conciousness went out the window, and I was really screaming through contractions now. It took several contractions to get me out of the wheelchair, out of my shorts, and onto the bed. The bedside nurse got in my face to get my attention and asked if I was pushing. I said I was trying not to, and everyone started moving a little faster. Lenore and our nurse (who was wonderful) talked me through what was going on. There were tons of people in the room, readying the room for a baby! A resident came in to check me, and I was 10 cm! At around midnight, we had called the hospital and paged our midwives, but there was no one on call that night (a risk we knew we would have), and no one had answered our pages yet. Joe climbed up on the bed behind me, straddling me so I could lean against him. Lenore was on one side and our nurse on the other, as I prepared to push. The nurse gave me an IV in between contractions in case I needed any meds (a good choice as it turned out later) but I declined any IV fluids. I began really pushing at about 4am. I always thought I would want to be up, on my hands and knees, or squatting to push. Laying on a table always seemed too passive to me. However, at this point, there is no way I could imagine getting off the table. As the contractions came, I pushed, still yelling. They counted me through pushes, but to be honest, I ignored the counting altogether, and went completely with what felt right to push. I usually waited a few seconds into the contraction to collect myself before pushing, and pushed longer than they counted. After a few pushes, Lenore and the nurse helped me regroup, pulled my legs up for me to hold onto, and encouraged me to quit yelling at this point and use that energy to push. It took me a few pushes to get the hang of what that meant, but finally, I could feel the difference, and began to feel really powerful in my pushing. Nothing could have prepared me for how this felt however. It was painful for sure, but also just felt impossible to me. Not that I felt defeated, but I think I was just amazed, now that I was at this moment, that it was actually possible to push a baby out this way! I said at one point "I can't do this", not because I wanted to quit, but because it just seemed almost ridiculous to me! Soon after that though, the nurse called the doctor in, and Lenore looked at me and said "you're almost there". I remember asking her twice if she really meant that, and she said yes! The doctor came in and asked if the baby was crowning, and the nurse said no, which disappointed me, but then said I was a "strong pusher" though and she expected it to happen quickly. This gave me a little more steam, and in another couple pushes Lila was crowning. Now this was a whole new sensation - crazy burning. I knew the only way to get rid of this feeling was to just keep pushing further into it. Another good push and her head was out! I was told immediately to stop pushing, and apparently, the cord was wrapped around her neck. Joe could see all this happening, but I have no recollection of looking down or seeing anything. I think I probably had my eyes closed, taking this opportunity to rest with my head against Joe. Quickly though, they told me to give one more good push and push Lila out, and in a moment, she was on my chest! It was 4:56am, I had pushed for about an hour. I didnt even look at her right away, I was just so relieved and amazed it was over, I leaned back against Joe. But then it was all amazement when I looked down and saw all that hair! She began crying, and we snuggled her up. They let her stay in my arms, and Joe cut the cord from behind me. We held her like that for a few minutes, but then I had more work to do, so Joe got up, and they checked Lila out in my arms while I pushed out the placenta. I was having such an adrenaline high at this point, I didnt really pay attention when they told me that I was bleeding a little more than they wanted and they gave me some pitocin through the IV. Apparently, Joe was a little freaked about the amount of blood he could see, but I didn't even notice. For the next hour, we hung out, and I got another shot of pitocin in my butt, and another dose in my IV, and we finally called my family. While I was pushing, Joe had talked Lenore through sending the text video of me saying I was in labor to my parents. Not long after that, Joe sent the picture of Lila born! Therefore, my family thought for a bit that I had given birth at home! There just was not the time we had expected once we got to the hospital. Of all those bags we packed, the only think we brought in was the pillow I was holding in the car, and Joe's phone, thank goodness, or we wouldn't have had any pictures. My midwife answered our page finally around 6am, and was thrilled to hear everything had gone so well. We finally had Lila weighed - 7lbs, 1oz. I was wide awake and enthralled, while Joe was feeling the tiredness sink in, but went to the car to get our stuff before Lenore left. Lenore showed us the placenta, which was pretty cool to see where Lila had lived the previous 9 months. I tried to get up to go to the bathroom, but almost fainted when sitting up...guess I had lost a fair amount of blood, but it was controlled at this point. I called my boss to call off work, who couldnt believe I had given birth 2 hours before, since I sounded so chipper. Not to worry, this would wear off soon as exhaustion set in. We were soon moved to another room where we would spend the remainder of our stay, and we settled in. I couldnt get over what an amazing experience it was, and how it went even more perfect than I could have planned. We didn't end up using any of the stuff we had packed...we had just needed each other. Lila was perfect and alert and latched on right away to eat. Our one complaint - she didn't hardly sleep at all the first 24 hours, and refused to be put down. Therefore we didn't hardly sleep for over 48 hours! Later that first evening my mom arrived and got to meet Lila. She went to our house to sleep, then came back in the morning...thank goodness, she held Lila while Joe and I crashed out. All went great the rest of our stay, and we would go home on Wednesday morning. Still in awe that Lila was here.
I am writing this, (took me all day!) watching Lila right now play, grabbing at toys, babbling, kicking, sucking her thumb from time to time, hard to believe this was three months ago. It is amazing how much she has learned and how she has become such a little person. Can't wait to do it again someday!
Our walk on the rail trail, June 5th, very early labor.
Moments after Lila was born, at 4:56am June 6th, 2011
