Ups and Downs

We have learned, from the beginning, there are ups and downs to this whole parenting thing. It seems like as soon as you figure out one pattern, one trick, one "sure thing"...she up and changes on us. Whether it be sleeping or eating or playing - she keeps us on our toes. Luckily, the downs are not too terrible, and don't last too long, and the ups are amazing!! This last 4-5 weeks has had quite a few downs. Lila's sleep got to its all time worst. She was back to taking sometimes hours to go down at night, waking many times at night wanting to nurse, or play, or just cry. Up early, not napping hardly at all. She was at times going a full day of school napping less than an hour total, then awake for 2 hours or so in the middle of the night, not to mention a late bedtime and early morning. This baby was getting far far less sleep than she should have, which of course was leading to fussiness and crankiness. On top of that (or perhaps causing that), Lila was sick over Thanksgiving with an ear infection and upper respiratory infection, leading to an antibiotic...which apparently didn't work. A couple of weeks later, at her regular 6 month check up, she had an ear infection in both ears, even though the antibiotic had just finished! So on to another, stronger antibiotic (which at least she will take this one without a screaming fit!). And, icing on the cake, it turns out she dropped from 37th percentile in weight at 4 months to 13th percentile at 6 months. Our little bean weighed 14lbs 5oz, gaining less than a pound in two months. So of course, guilt ensues...
However, the ups have come finally! We have had a great 10 days! After desperation, and the cliff notes version of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Kids (or whatever it is called - I am now reading it more thoroughly), I put Lila in her crib on Monday night after two hours of attempting to get her to sleep...and I walked out of the room. She was fed, she was dry, she was warm, she was loved. She was also tired. 20 minutes later, Lila fell asleep and slept for the next 10 hours. The longest stretch of sleep she had had in months (also, it should be noted, the longest stretch of sleep I had gotten in months!!!). The following night, at bedtime, I nursed her, hugged and kissed her, and laid her in her crib and walked out of the room. 5 minutes later - asleep...for the next 12 hours. We have been on a roll ever since. One of the most important things I have learned is that sleep really does beget sleep. And as Lila still does not nap much at daycare (and I have no control over this), we go to bed very very early. Like sometimes at 5;30pm. And she has been sleeping until some time between 5:45 and 6:30am. And while our evening time together is cut very short (we are on a strict schedule of dinner, bath, book, nurse, bed) she is happy the whole time. And usually gives us some fun play time in the morning. Joe and I are like new people. We have gotten some good sleep, and so has Lila. This past weekend she napped for 4-5 hours between two naps both days. Good catch up after tiresome daycare. Clearly she is feeling better, and the sleep is helping as well. We also learned our lesson after the previous weekend, and when we wanted to go to a Christmas party on Friday night that started at 7, we got a babysitter. And on Sat night's Christmas party, Joe went and I stayed home and wrapped presents. There will be other parties in other years.
So now we are working on the eating thing. Lila has never had a huge appetite...she moved to eating every 3 hours before being 3 months old, and still doesn't have more than 5 oz at a time. In fact these days she sometimes goes 4 hours between bottles (though we're hoping her appetite might pick up once her antibiotics finish up). She is now eating solids twice a day, so that helps, and I mix cereal in when she will let me (not a big cereal fan!) to add some calories to her fruit and veggies. We go back for a checkup in a couple of weeks to check her ears, and her weight to see if we need to go any further than offering food often. Hopefully she will gain a little holiday weight =)
The other ups? Lila is sooo much fun these days! She sits up so well, playing, bending around, reaching for toys. Occasionally falls straight backwards if she is looking up at you, and sometimes falls on her face when reaching for a far away toy. Not interested in moving yet, but getting more motivated to reach for things she wants lately, so I think movement will come soon. No teeth yet, but we keep thinking they are coming. Lila loves Sage, and laughs and laughs when he is around. She likes to pet him and play with his collar. She loves jumping, loves musical toys, and loves playing with plastic spoons. She grabs for the spoon as soon as she is done eating dinner, and carries it around the rest of the night. We cannot wait to spend Christmas weekend with my family, and watch Lila and Margaret play together.
We are grateful to be in the "ups" right now, and know enough now not to take them for granted!!

Six Months Old!

Wow, Lila. This was such an exciting month! You are such a big girl. We had a lot of visitors this month, which was very fun. I think you liked having some new faces to look at, and you got a bit spoiled by being held all the time! You also got your first ear infection, resulting in your first antibiotic. The next morning, you got a really strange rash all over your belly, chest and arms which resulted in a visit to the pediatrician and then dermatologist. No one knew what it was, but definitely not an allergy, thank goodness, and it went away in a couple of days. It was brown and pigmented, and thankfully not itchy or scaly. Only missed one day of school for that one.
Perhaps it was all the visitors, and perhaps it was the sickness, and it definitely was the teething, but this was a terrible month for sleep! You were waking every two hours for a couple of weeks, and due to pure exhaustion, I nursed you back to sleep almost every time. (Time to dig in and do some sleep training I think!) You also had many nights of being wide awake for an hour or two in the wee hours of the night which made it very hard for Mommy and Daddy to get it together for work the next morning. A couple of nights before your 6mo birthday, things started to go a little better, and we also moved you into your own room now that all our visitors are gone. The first couple of nights we slept with you in your room, and you did pretty well. The first night with us in separate rooms, you slept through the night! You woke around midnight, but fussed yourself back to sleep without ever really crying in about 20 minutes. It was the best sleep I have had since you were born. It was amazing. You made up for it the next night, which was back to every 2 hours with a 2 hour play time from 2:30 - 4:30. Here's hoping we have fewer and fewer of those this month!
A few other major things this month...you are sitting up! You love sitting and playing, but you are also very excited about reaching for anything that catches your eye which makes you tip over at times. You also fall straight backwards every once in awhile, especially when you are excited, so we try to keep something soft behind you just in case! You are still not a big fan of the belly time, you just immediately flip to your back. So we'll see if the crawling ever comes =)
The week of Thanksgiving we started solid foods. You have had cereal, sweet potatoes, peas and green beans. Next on the agenda is carrots, squash, then we will move to some fruits. I am making your food right now, which is pretty easy and quick, and definitely cheap. We'll see how long it lasts =)
I am starting to stop coming to nurse you at lunchtime at work. You like enjoying your mealtime with coos and smiles and playing, which makes nursing you last longer than the amount of time I really have. It is also harder to predict when you eat, since we started solids. You had been eating 5 oz bottles every 3 hours. Lately, you have been eating 2-4 oz of solids per day in 1-2 meals, as well as 3.5 - 5 oz bottles every 3-4 oz. It seems like the amount you eat is a little on the low side, but you seem satisfied, and you are gaining weight, so I'm not worried.
We are so excited about this month - trying new foods, sitting and playing with new toys, sleeping in your own room, and of course Christmas. Can't believe it has been 6 months!!

So Much To Be Thankful For

This was a wonderful week! I had Wed, Thu, Sat and Sun off of work. A much needed break from work, and even better - four full days at home with Lila! This was such a treat. It was wonderful to spend time playing with her, practicing to sit up, feeding Lila her first foods, cuddling her when her teething gums were hurting, making a couple of weeks worth of home made baby food (sweet potatoes, bananas and peas, oh my!), and taking my first legitimate "nap when the baby naps". It was also great to watch Lila interact with her cousins Liam and Tucker, dance with Aunt Jenny, and laugh at Great Grand Pap! Now, on Sunday night, I am feeling a little sorry for myself that I have to go back to work tomorrow morning, and send Lila back to daycare. But I should know better. First of all, Lila goes to a wonderful daycare, and she loves it and her teachers love her. Also, working is not optional for me, and we knew that when we started this whole parenthood thing. Someday, I hope it will be. I hope to have more time like this, and to continue making our family as self-sustainable as possible, and to actually have a clean house and homemade dinners each night. But right now, working is the price I pay to have Lila in our lives. And it is well worth it! So as I get started back to work, I will try to not to fall in to the diaper, feed, bathe, bed the baby, then diaper, feed, dress, take the baby to daycare the next day. I will try to spend some time sitting and playing, teaching, blowing raspberries, and enjoying sweet potatoes! And being thankful for having a job, and for all those small moments! Happy Thanksgiving!

To my 5 month old...

Dear Lila,

You are such a big girl! It has been another busy month, and I can't believe how much you have learned! The beginning of this month was a little rough with a couple of weeks of sleep regression. Joe and I tried not to pull our hair out, and reminded ourselves how lucky we had been for the previous 4 months. Luckily, it seemed to be a phase, and you are through it. You even seem to be napping a little better lately. On the weekends, you nap in your crib, and this past weekend you even put your self to sleep. I put you down sleepy buy awake, and you talked to yourself and fussed a little, then were asleep 15 minutes later. It was great! We are preparing to move you into your own room in about a month, after all our November visitors have come and gone. I think I might miss you sleeping next to me in your pack and play.
Also this month, you had your first Halloween. You dressed as a pumpkin, and had a parade at school which was hilarious. You were strapped into the front row of a six seater buggy, and you laughed your way through the one block parade lined with adoring parents. That night, we hit the neighborhood and walked around with some of your big kid friends for their first Trick or Treat, and also hung out at our block party. You slept through most of it, but were a trooper, particularly because it was raining!
The biggest news this month, is that you finally learned to roll over. We have been trying to give you lots of chances, but you hated being on your tummy so much, that we usually couldn't bear your screaming, and we helped you flip over. But then one evening (Nov. 2), I put you in your crib while I was running your bath, and I put you in on your tummy. When I returned, you were on your back smiling away! I made you do it three more times, so you would remember how to show Daddy, which you did first thing the next morning. Now there is no stopping you, you roll all over the place, reaching for toys and to look around at the people in the room.
This month will be so fun. We have Aunt Beth, Uncle AJ, Cousin Margaret, Aunt Mary, Grandma and Grandpa, Great Grandpa, Aunt Jen, Cousin Liam and Cousin Tucker coming to visit over the next few weekends. We also plan to try cereal, as we haven't had the time to try it yet! Can't wait to keep experiencing new things with you baby girl!

Late (Late!) Night Dates with Daughter, and a Prayer

Lila has been experiencing what I am hopeful is a classic 4 month sleep regression...that I am hoping will pass soon (actually the last two nights weren't bad). After a nice long stint of either sleeping through the night (like 9-12 hours!) or waking just once to eat then straight back to sleep, she has changed gears on us. Lila has been waking us between 1-4am with the gentle sounds of cooing and laughing. It is a sad thing when you wake to such sweet noises and cringe. Because you see, if she wakes crying, this means hunger, nurse, back to sleep, 20 minutes tops. If she wakes in this delightful mood, it means at least 1.5 hours, as many as 2.5 hours attempting to get the little bug back to sleep so we can squeeze out a little nap before getting up for work. We have tried to not reinforce this behavior. We let her play in her bed (which is still the travel pack and play inches from my side of the bed) until she gets bored, and therefore fussy, and eventually crying. Then, we do the usual middle of the night routine - Joe changes her diaper, and I nurse. And nurse, and nurse, in hopes that she will fall asleep. But, alas, on these nights, she looks at me with wide eyed smiles when she is done eating, and continues with the cooing and laughing. So Joe and I take turns bouncing on the yoga ball, trying not to fall asleep/fall off, and attempting to lull Lila back to lullabye land. We try the rocking chair (so we can "almost" sleep). Lila is not soothed by this, gets bored, and cries. We try bouncing her back to seep in her bouncy chair which we set in the pack and play, so that we can lay down, barely moving one hand at 2:30am. This worked only once. We try having her face her fish tank so that the lights and fishies mesmorize her back into dreamland. This apparently gets boring. So we bounce. And eventually, she does fall back asleep. Usually at around 6am, exactly 30 minutes before the alarm goes off and we start the long busy day again.
It would be easy to get frustrated. It would be easy to get sad, mad, or delusional. Sometimes this 2 hour middle of the night playtime happens twice in one night. It makes the mornings seem impossible, the workdays seem eternal, and the following evenings disastrous, as Lila is also exhausted (and this girl is not a napper). It would be easy.
However, I have both the misfortune and the blessing to know there are other families out there who are not as lucky as Joe and I are. As I hold smiley Lila, bouncing precariously on the yoga ball at 4:30am, I am more aware lately that her lungs are strong and efficient, her heart is regular and beats with ease. Her brain is growing and quick, her arms and legs quick around and her eyes and ears take in the world. All I have to do is think about the little babies and kids out there who spend weeks in the hospital, weeks on a ventilator, who have not been home yet since they have been born. And I snuggle Lila a little closer. I bounce a little longer. I say continuous prayers. Knowing so many families with sick babies is very sad and disheartening sometimes. However, it has shown me strength, and God's graces in the strength that surrounds these families. it has made me so grateful and aware of my blessings. So, I am embracing my late (late) night date nights with Lila, and know they will not go on forever, and that every day, every wakeful middle of the night moment, is a blessing. And God Bless little Caleb, little Chaia, little Grant and their mommies, daddies, families, friends, and the doctors and nurses who are caring for them. Amen.

Doctor Visit - 4months, 2weeks

We are a little behind. However, we had the official 4 month appointment with Lila's pediatrician this week (who I love!). Lila tolerated her shots much better this time around. She was smiling and cooing at the nurse right up until the needles went in her little thighs, and the howling started. She calmed down right after I picked her up, sniffled like a big girl, and recovered enough to manage a little smile at the nurse before she left. Such a brave girl.
The stats: 13lbs 8oz - 37th percentile. 24.5 inches - 45th percentile. Head 16 inches - 40th percentile. I would have sworn she was going to score off the charts in length - she seems so long to me, and if there were a percentile for feet, I am sure she would set a record. They did a footprint art project at school, and her feet are at least as big as the 7month old babies'.
Getting so big! In no time, we'll be eating cereal and sitting up!


So chatty these days, Lila talks all the time!



Lila found her feet, her new favorite toy!



Loving bathtime as always!

Daddy Daughter Time

This is such a busy semester for Joe. Sadly, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, he does not get home from his day until after Lila is long gone to bed. He also has had to work most weekends one if not both days. Not to mention having to do homework during any spare time he has. So quality time with Lila is very precious to him.
Therefore, Joe gets Lila ready for school every morning. I, of course, feed her. Otherwise, Joe gets her diapered and dressed and ready for the day. He picks out her outfits every day, including socks, jackets, and sometimes hairbows. I sometimes get jealous of this and lay out an outfit for her. But most days, it is all Joe. The other big Daddy Daughter Time is on Tuesdays after school. Joe gets done at 4:30 on these days, and picks her up from school while I go to the gym and sometimes run some errands. He takes her home, they hang out, usually take Sage on a walk, and he often feeds her a bottle and puts her to bed before I make it home. They always have a great time together. This past Tuesday, Joe took Lila to Krepps Park, and they did a photo shoot in the leaves! I know this time is special to Joe, and that they will always have special time carved out for the two of them! Nice for Mama to have a little time to myself, too!

Dear Lila,

You are 4 months old! I cannot believe that you came into this world 4 whole months ago. This last month has been so much fun! You have learned to play! You have discovered your hands, learned to grab things with one hand, then two hands, you love looking at yourself in the mirror, flirting with people by gurgling and actually batting your eyes...and your newest trick - blowing raspberries, which I think you learned from the "big" boys at school. You have become a bib baby due to this spitting. It cracks you up. You have also started drooling like crazy in the last week, and chewing on your fingers, leaving slobber everywhere. You are truly a happy baby...unless you are tired. Then you become what we call a "hot mess". This is typically every evening by about 6pm. While you sleep great at night, typically only waking once, or sleeping through the night, you are NOT a napper. Sometimes, you go 9 whole hours at school and sleep only about an hour total. Your teachers say that you are just so interested in what is going on around you that you refuse to sleep. I still come see you most days at lunchtime, and you are hardly ever fussy then or when I pick you up. You are just playing and looking around. Your favorite things are the exersaucer, and the bouncy seat with the overhang toy that lights up when you bop at the toys. Earlier this week, you fell asleep in the exersaucer! Only for about 15 minutes though. You seem to really love school and your teachers. You have done multiple art projects already, and we are really excited for your Halloween parade. Grandma and Grandpa came to visit this month, and they had fun watching you play, and take a bath. You love the big bath tub, kicking and splashing. You are taking bottles great, and eat about 4-4.5 oz every 3 hours. I tried to increase it to 5oz a couple of weeks ago, but you couldn't finish it at once, then you wouldn't eat for me at lunch time, so we dropped it back down, and you seem satisfied. We made our first trip to the "sick" doctor this month, when you had 102 fever and you threw up. It was pretty sad, especially because Daddy was out of town, and I was all alone with you. We took our first (probably of many) sick day from work/school. You still love riding in the baby carrier (I got a Beco to replace the Baby Bjorn) outward facing. We go to the Farmer's Market most weekends, and walk Sage after work/school. This has been a busy, busy month for you, and I can't wait to see what the next month brings! Finally, I am so grateful for your health and beautiful smiles!

Good Day For A Hike

Good day for a hike!


We knew this semester was going to be hard. Joe is so busy, and there are many evenings that Joe does not get home until Lila is asleep, and unfortunately, some weekends when Joe has to work both days, only to come home and do homework. However, I learned an important lesson several weeks ago. Do not sit around, pining for Joe, waiting for him to get home. Lila will be fussy and cranky, therefore so will I. Get out, do things, be busy, see friends, give Sage some exercise. That is the way to make the time Joe is gone go fast, and keep me from going crazy.

So when I woke up this morning and found 55 degrees, sunny, the perfect fall day, I took advantage, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for myself that Joe had to work again (when shouldn't I be feeling sorry for him??). Yesterday, I think we did good. Up early, Farmer's Market, Wine and Jazz Fest, birthday party...Lila was a trooper, and slept like a champ last night. So today was the perfect day for a hike.

On days like these, I like to do a drive + hike. Get out of town a little, enjoy the scenery, and hike someplace new. While Sage and I love the "same old trails" that we do around here, knowing every bend and bridge, it is great to go somewhere new. The thing is, I have been more weary to do "new things" with an infant. I decided to go to Tygart Lake State Park. I have never been there, didn't really know where it was (figured I could follow signs), didn't know how long it would take to get there, didn't know the trails, or have a trail map. Not typically the adventure I want to take with a 3 month old, but as I learned in the lesson above - I gotta get out! So off we went. And despite the above obstacles, we had a great hike. The trail map on the side of the park office and the trail signs were not good, but we managed to link some small hikes together along the road. It was a perfect fall day!



Lila loved leaning back and looking at the treetops. So proud!




My view of baby and doggy =)




Rewarding view at the turnaround point




Lila got a little fussy until I gave her a toy to suck on. Prepared mama!




Going...




...Going...




Gone!




Kept her grip on her toy though!




Hard to wake up back at the car! Great day =)

A Belated Birth Story

As I have gone back to work this week, I have had the opportunity to tell Lila's birth story (abbreviated) a few times, which has led me to want to write it down once and for all. I have told it detailed in a few emails to friends, and my mom videoed me telling it to some friends at the hospital, but I figured I would write down as much as I can remember before I forget! So read on if you want...details will not be spared :)

I prepared for Lila's birth as if preparing for a marathon. I spent months getting ready mentally, physically and emotionally. Ever since taking an anthropology class on childbirth in college, I had hoped I could one day experience a natural childbirth, but when the time actually came, once I was pregnant, I was pretty nervous about the whole idea, so I decided to get as informed as possible. I took prenatal yoga weekly from about 18wks pregnant, I read books, watched videos and documentaries, hired a doula, and took a natural childbirth class, as well as choosing midwives as my practitioners. At the beginning of June, it was time to see if it would pay off. We had several "false starts" in the weeks leading up to Lila's birthday. I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks since 20 weeks, so they were no surprise, and not convincing most of the time, though in the last two weeks I had several stretches of hours of regular, painful Braxton Hicks, including one night which led us to call our doula (then later to call her off when they stopped).
On Sunday, June 5th, Joe and I woke up late and decided to go for a walk on the rail trail with Sage. We chose a section we don't usually walk on, and did a little exploring down by Decker's Creek. Within a few minutes of walking, I began the contractions, which was by no means unusual, to the point that I don't think I even mentioned them to Joe, or even looked at a clock to see if they were regular. I would guess they were approximately 20 minutes apart, and strong enough to make me slow down a little, but at 40 weeks pregnant, I was not walking too fast anyway =) After our walk, we headed to Lowes. The contractions continued, but still nothing special after weeks of this. Joe was being particularly lazy about this Lowes trip, not sure which project to focus on and we wandered for at least an hour. I remember being absolutely exhausted after the walk, then being on my feet. I kept finding piles of materials to sit on while Joe looked at this and that. The contractions were a little stronger, and I figured I needed some serious water after that walk, and I finally told Joe I had reached my limit and needed to go home. Still had not looked at a clock or timed any contractions, but at this point, they were just keeping steady probably still about 20 minutes apart. We got home, had lunch, and did a little yard work. I actually did some supervising while Joe did some yard work. I had plans at about 3 to see a movie with my friend Meg, also pregnant, who would have baby Adeline 12 days after Lila was born. We had made plans to escape the heat in some air conditioning! I drove and picked Meg up, and we joked in the car about Meg being prepared to leave the movie and drive me to the hospital if I went into labor. I didn't mention the contractions I had been having, as I figured after sitting in the cool theater and drinking some water (plus eating some popcorn!) they would subside. Also at this time started to feel a bit discouraged that I would have to go to work the next day (a Monday) as that Friday I had prepared everything in case I did not return. During the movie, I finally started to take notice of the contractions. While I don't think they got any closer together (still my guess at no more than 15 - 20 minutes apart), they were feeling curiously different. I was very uncomfortable sitting down during each one, and had to shift positions and squirm, enough that Meg noticed whenever I was having one. I remember thinking that walk and Lowes must have really taken it out of me. I drove Meg home, and as soon as she got out of the car, I had a contraction that caused me to grip the steering wheel and really take notice. I began to think...
When I got home, Joe was doing some homework at the dining room table. I mentioned that I had been having contractions since this morning, and they were stronger than usual. I don't think Joe even looked up from his laptop. He had heard this a few times before! We made dinner (don't remember what we had), and I asked Joe to go for a walk with me, figuring that if this was it, I wanted to keep it going. By the end of our short walk, I was having to seriously slow down during each contraction. When we got home, it was probably 7pm, and I finally timed my contractions to find they were about 10 minutes apart. Still nothing too exciting. I was getting anxious/excited to see where this would go, and I wanted to keep busy, so I started some laundry, and baked some brownies. I called my sister and told her I was having contractions, but we kind of joked about it...she had also heard this before! By about 9:00pm, I was feeling pretty sure this was it. I was having to completely stop what I was doing during a contraction, and there was a notable difference between these and the Braxton Hicks I had before. I began to wonder if Lila was posterior (she was!) because my contractions were completely felt in my back. No feeling of tightening in my uterus whatsoever, just incredibly achy contractions across my back. Odd and indescribable feeling. The contractions were 6-8 minutes apart by about 10pm. I told Joe I was pretty sure this was it, and that I wanted to go upstairs, watch something on the laptop while I tried to rest. Joe very slowly pulled himself away from what he was doing to move upstairs and support me. Around 10:30, he went up to the attic to try to find his watch so he could officially time the contractions. He spent what felt like an eternity up there while I went through the first few contractions that I would have finally described as painful. Definitely getting more intense, and I experimented with some different positions I had learned in class to ease the discomfort. My favorite was to lean over (on the bed, the birthing ball, the wall, whatever was there) and rest my head in my arms while I swayed my hips from side to side. This is how I would handle every contraction from here on out until the very end. When Joe got back from the attic, I told him, quite sternly, that this was it. He was not to leave me anymore. I needed him by my side. We spent about an hour (though time had no meaning to me at this point. I just remember some landmarks times when I looked at the clock to see what time it was) and a little before midnight my contractions hit 5 minutes apart. I told Joe to call Lenore, our doula, who lived about 20 minutes away. Joe called and gave the story. As Lenore had heard once before that I was 5 minutes apart (two weeks before), she said she would get her stuff together, but suggested I get in the shower and see how that affected my contractions. I did just that, and Joe timed my contractions. Within a few minutes of me being in the shower, the contractions sped up and I had several at 3 minutes apart. Joe panicked, ordered me out of the shower, and called Lenore back asking her to come right away. I got out of the shower and slowly put on shorts and a t-shirt (Joe's clothes), while Joe ran around loading the car with the bags we had packed previously. After our childbirth class, we put together our bags - one for me and baby with clothes, toiletries, etc. The other had some items for Joe, (they had suggested swim trunks and flip flops for Joe in case we got in the shower, also long sleeves since I may be hot and want the room really cool, for example), and lots of birthing items...washclothes, snacks, massage tools and oils, we even loaded my birthing ball (big exercise ball) into the trunk of my station wagon. We were prepared! We made our way down to the living room, and Lenore arrived when I was in mid-contraction, leaning on the fireplace mantle - they were back to 5 minutes apart since I got out of the shower. She could tell upon seeing me that I was in labor for real this time, and started some Iphone App that timed my contractions and recorded them. Who knew!? Lenore was great at calming us, getting us snacks and drinks, and suggesting ways for me to rest and relax. She even played with Sage who was a little anxious, realizing something was going on for us to be loading the car and up and about after midnight. I tried to lay down to rest, but since the contractions were in my back, this was very uncomfortable, so I got back up. We were in pretty good spirits at this point, as my contractions were very slowly getting closer together, I had a few minutes between each one to chat and talk things through. At this point, Joe had sent a text to his family that I was in labor, but for some reason I was insistent that we not text my family until I was on my way to the hospital. I for some reason did not want to wake anyone up, and then have them be awake all night waiting to hear more news. Joe did take a short video of me announcing I was in labor (between contractions) that he planned to send as soon as we arrived at the hospital. About 2am, things started getting pretty intense, though I was pretty stuck at 4 minutes apart. I got back in the shower for awhile, which helped things along, but eventually I had to get out because I needed the support of another person to get through the contractions at this point. Joe had learned to squeeze my hips at the child birth class, that this really helped to relieve some discomfort (I kept telling him go ahead and squeeze harder, he wasnt hurting me...and Joe would gasp that he was squeezing as hard as he could!). After this, we staked out in the kitchen. We have a high table in there that I liked leaning on during contractions, and it was also near the bathroom which I was using quite a bit at this point (caution: graphic detail) as I was finally having my bloody show, and also emptying my bowels over the course of several contractions. Joe and I entered a new level of closeness as he supported me through contractions while I was sitting on the toilet! While I sat there in between contractions, I was aware that Joe and Lenore were discussing moving to the hospital as my contractions had finally reached 3 minutes apart, which was our goal time for me to stay home until. It was around 3am. Joe got some last minute things together, and Lenore came to help me to the car. Almost immediately, I had several contractions just under 2 minutes apart, and so we started to move a little faster. Lenore and I started outside while Joe locked up, and I leaned against the car to have one last contraction, knowing it would be extremely uncomfortable once I got in the car. During this contraction, my water broke, all over the side walk. I remember thinking it was great timing, as it didnt break either in the house, or in the car, and also noting that immediately upon my water breaking, the contractions got more painful. Looking back, not sure I would have made it as well at home for so long if my water had broken earlier, judging by the degree to which it got more painful. I should mention that over the past two hours, I was beginning to see the benefit of using my voice to help myself through contractions, by moaning with my breaths. I had always wondered if I would be a "screamer" and figured I would be too self conscious to be loud while in labor. Ha. As soon as I got in the car, I warned Joe as he pulled away that I might be a little louder with contractions now, but to just keep driving. The very next contraction, I was screaming! It was 3:15am, and a surprising number of people were out on the streets downtown. It was hot and humid and the windows were down. Wonder what people thought as we drove by. My contractions were on top of each other, and my biggest fear had come true. I was in transition in the car, before we made it to the hospital. I had hoped to be settled, with all my comfort items that we had packed available when this happened. But it didnt go that way. We live about 6 minutes from the hospital (luckily!) and it was very foggy. I remember being nervous about the several speed bumps we would have to pass over to get to the ED entrance, and yelling almost constantly on the trip. As we were driving in front of the hospital, around the corner form the ED entrance, I learned what it meant to have "the urge" to push. I yelled that I was pushing, and braced my feet against the floor of the car to try to stop. Joe yelled back to knock it off, as we pulled up to the ED. There was a valet kid, probably about 19 years old, with huge eyes watching us pull up. He didnt seem to know what to do. Joe yelled at him to get a wheelchair, and started getting some bags out of the car while I stayed put, another contraction starting. Joe abandoned the bags and came to support me, then helped me out of the car and into the wheelchair. A resident came out of the ED, then literally looked at me and backed back in, wanting nothing to do with me! haha. Joe threw the keys on the seat of the car, bags on the sidewalk, doors open, and pushed me in. Someone called out to us something about registration, to which I yelled a few choice words, and pointed Joe in the direction of the back elevators. Doors began opening for us, and we made our way, by ourselves, up to labor and delivery. I was still trying not to push, but transition seemed to be ending, and I had a few minutes between contractions again, for me to catch my breath. Our doula had beat us to the hospital, and had let the floor know I was coming, and I was close. Thank goodness they didnt bother triaging me, but put me straight in a delivery room. I think they could hear me coming, as all self-conciousness went out the window, and I was really screaming through contractions now. It took several contractions to get me out of the wheelchair, out of my shorts, and onto the bed. The bedside nurse got in my face to get my attention and asked if I was pushing. I said I was trying not to, and everyone started moving a little faster. Lenore and our nurse (who was wonderful) talked me through what was going on. There were tons of people in the room, readying the room for a baby! A resident came in to check me, and I was 10 cm! At around midnight, we had called the hospital and paged our midwives, but there was no one on call that night (a risk we knew we would have), and no one had answered our pages yet. Joe climbed up on the bed behind me, straddling me so I could lean against him. Lenore was on one side and our nurse on the other, as I prepared to push. The nurse gave me an IV in between contractions in case I needed any meds (a good choice as it turned out later) but I declined any IV fluids. I began really pushing at about 4am. I always thought I would want to be up, on my hands and knees, or squatting to push. Laying on a table always seemed too passive to me. However, at this point, there is no way I could imagine getting off the table. As the contractions came, I pushed, still yelling. They counted me through pushes, but to be honest, I ignored the counting altogether, and went completely with what felt right to push. I usually waited a few seconds into the contraction to collect myself before pushing, and pushed longer than they counted. After a few pushes, Lenore and the nurse helped me regroup, pulled my legs up for me to hold onto, and encouraged me to quit yelling at this point and use that energy to push. It took me a few pushes to get the hang of what that meant, but finally, I could feel the difference, and began to feel really powerful in my pushing. Nothing could have prepared me for how this felt however. It was painful for sure, but also just felt impossible to me. Not that I felt defeated, but I think I was just amazed, now that I was at this moment, that it was actually possible to push a baby out this way! I said at one point "I can't do this", not because I wanted to quit, but because it just seemed almost ridiculous to me! Soon after that though, the nurse called the doctor in, and Lenore looked at me and said "you're almost there". I remember asking her twice if she really meant that, and she said yes! The doctor came in and asked if the baby was crowning, and the nurse said no, which disappointed me, but then said I was a "strong pusher" though and she expected it to happen quickly. This gave me a little more steam, and in another couple pushes Lila was crowning. Now this was a whole new sensation - crazy burning. I knew the only way to get rid of this feeling was to just keep pushing further into it. Another good push and her head was out! I was told immediately to stop pushing, and apparently, the cord was wrapped around her neck. Joe could see all this happening, but I have no recollection of looking down or seeing anything. I think I probably had my eyes closed, taking this opportunity to rest with my head against Joe. Quickly though, they told me to give one more good push and push Lila out, and in a moment, she was on my chest! It was 4:56am, I had pushed for about an hour. I didnt even look at her right away, I was just so relieved and amazed it was over, I leaned back against Joe. But then it was all amazement when I looked down and saw all that hair! She began crying, and we snuggled her up. They let her stay in my arms, and Joe cut the cord from behind me. We held her like that for a few minutes, but then I had more work to do, so Joe got up, and they checked Lila out in my arms while I pushed out the placenta. I was having such an adrenaline high at this point, I didnt really pay attention when they told me that I was bleeding a little more than they wanted and they gave me some pitocin through the IV. Apparently, Joe was a little freaked about the amount of blood he could see, but I didn't even notice. For the next hour, we hung out, and I got another shot of pitocin in my butt, and another dose in my IV, and we finally called my family. While I was pushing, Joe had talked Lenore through sending the text video of me saying I was in labor to my parents. Not long after that, Joe sent the picture of Lila born! Therefore, my family thought for a bit that I had given birth at home! There just was not the time we had expected once we got to the hospital. Of all those bags we packed, the only think we brought in was the pillow I was holding in the car, and Joe's phone, thank goodness, or we wouldn't have had any pictures. My midwife answered our page finally around 6am, and was thrilled to hear everything had gone so well. We finally had Lila weighed - 7lbs, 1oz. I was wide awake and enthralled, while Joe was feeling the tiredness sink in, but went to the car to get our stuff before Lenore left. Lenore showed us the placenta, which was pretty cool to see where Lila had lived the previous 9 months. I tried to get up to go to the bathroom, but almost fainted when sitting up...guess I had lost a fair amount of blood, but it was controlled at this point. I called my boss to call off work, who couldnt believe I had given birth 2 hours before, since I sounded so chipper. Not to worry, this would wear off soon as exhaustion set in. We were soon moved to another room where we would spend the remainder of our stay, and we settled in. I couldnt get over what an amazing experience it was, and how it went even more perfect than I could have planned. We didn't end up using any of the stuff we had packed...we had just needed each other. Lila was perfect and alert and latched on right away to eat. Our one complaint - she didn't hardly sleep at all the first 24 hours, and refused to be put down. Therefore we didn't hardly sleep for over 48 hours! Later that first evening my mom arrived and got to meet Lila. She went to our house to sleep, then came back in the morning...thank goodness, she held Lila while Joe and I crashed out. All went great the rest of our stay, and we would go home on Wednesday morning. Still in awe that Lila was here.
I am writing this, (took me all day!) watching Lila right now play, grabbing at toys, babbling, kicking, sucking her thumb from time to time, hard to believe this was three months ago. It is amazing how much she has learned and how she has become such a little person. Can't wait to do it again someday!



Our walk on the rail trail, June 5th, very early labor.




Moments after Lila was born, at 4:56am June 6th, 2011

Dear Lila,

Dear Lila,
Where have the last 12 weeks gone? In some ways, I feel like it was just yesterday that we were eagerly awaiting your arrival, and in other ways I can't remember our lives without you in it. You made us a family!
You have grown so much in the last twelve weeks! You are playful and smiley, especially in the mornings. You love looking at your mobile, and you get so excited when we turn it on. You still love bouncing on the ball or on our knee, but you are not so reliant on it anymore. You have other ways to soothe yourself now. You are getting frustrated with being inward facing in the Baby Bjorn...you love for us to hold you facing out all the time, because you just love looking around! You have good neck control, but still a bit wobbly, especially when you are upset. You hate tummy time, so no rolling over or even close calls for you yet! You started daycare last week, and despite Mommy's worries, you are doing great! You eat well for your teachers, and take way better naps than you ever did at home, even in your crib. When I come pick you up, sometimes you are sleeping, but I love it when you are kicking around and playing with a new toy! Daycare makes you very tired, so you have been sleeping great. You go down without any trouble at 8pm. You usually wake up just once for a quick snack about 3:30, but on the night you turned 12 weeks old, you slept through the night for the first time! (If only Mommy had slept through the night!). Your doggy Sage loves you so much, and gives you kisses every day, and always checks to make sure you are in your bed at night when we go into the bedroom to go to bed, and always checks to make sure you are in your carseat when we carry you inside when we get home. You are a good eater, and eat every 3 hours, probably around 4 ounces each time. At your last doctor's appointment, you were in the 25% for weight and 50% for length - tall and skinny like your mommy and daddy! You have traveled to Ohio three times, Washington DC, and Cape Cod in your 12 weeks of life so far, and you are such a great traveler! You sleep well wherever we are - the stimulation of being somewhere new usually tires you out! You do ok in the car on the highway, and you are getting better at traveling through town. You don't love being in your carseat, and even if you fall asleep in the car, you always wake up when we stop. You got your first cold at daycare already, but seem to be tolerating it well. You had a fever just once, when you got your 2 month immunizations. You love being outside, looking in the sky, at trees, feeling the breeze. It always calms you. You have been to two outdoor concerts. You have lots of other baby friends - Addie and Jakob are the closest in age, and of course you love your cousin Margaret, who is finally starting to notice you! Lila, you have made our lives more complete, and we love you more every day!

New Fave Photos

Lila's First Day of School

We feel so lucky that Lila got into the daycare where I work. It will be so easy to drop her off and pick her up, plus Joe and I can both go visit during the day! I start work tomorrow (eek!) so we did a couple of practice runs this week, getting her there by 7:45am, and leaving her for a couple of hours. I was also excited to learn that the babies of a couple of coworkers of mine who were pregnant at the same time are in the same class as Lila! Her first friends! Am so proud of my little girl who napped, successfully had a bottle, and was playing and smiling when I picked her up. Just those few hours must have worn her out, because she took an awesome nap when we get home. She also was asleep for the night at 7:15pm (earliest ever) and woke only twice at midnight and 4am. Not bad! Here's hoping a full day of daycare leads to a full night of sleep! Tomorrow is the real test, as not only do I have to make through a day without Lila, but a day of work!

Home Made Cloth Diapers = Success

Last winter, particularly during a family ski weekend trip (when I was pregnant, so not skiing), I went a little crazy making cloth diapers. I think I made close to 30 total in different sizes. I used a free pattern found online ("Rita's Rump") and made several of my own alterations (including the sizing, so that she could wear them right away, and until older). I used flannel for the diaper, with either a layer of the middle strip a good, thick prefold diaper, or a double layer of terry as a sewn in liner between the layers of flannel. I also used elastic in the legs and across the top of the back to hopefully prevent leaks. I did make them pocket diapers to add extra lining, but I have never used the pocket yet.
I am please to say, that after almost 6 weeks of cloth diaper making, these diapers are a success! No leaks, no blowouts to date! And Lila is capable of some blowouts let me tell you, though havent had any in cloth (only if wearing a disposable). These diapers are very absorbent, and I am really pleased with their performance! I have found a new baby gift for friends wanting to use cloth, because once I got a system down, they are so easy to make! I also made liners (two layers of flannel with a double layer of terry inside) and cloth wipes (double layer of flannel) which have worked great as well. I use the cloth wipes when Lila poops and it is a great way to clean up a majority of the mess with a nice soft wipe, without having to use a zillion wipes. I highly suggest it! Baby washcloths also work (if you are like me and got millions as shower gifts!). The rest of my cloth diaper supply has been rounded out by hand me downs from babies Margaret, Sage and Lily (not Sage the dog, Sage a friend's daughter!), with a couple of upgrades in the velcro areas. I am grateful looking back that I didn't have to spend a lot on the initial purchase of cloth diapers, as Lila's daycare will not use them, so we have to pay for disposables after all. But it will be cloth at home all the way! Here are some pics of my home made diapers and supplies, and my refurbished velcro. I'd be happy to send more instructions to anyone wanting to try to make their own diapers!

DIAPERS






WIPES



LINERS



New Velcro, sewn over old velcro!