Lila has been experiencing what I am hopeful is a classic 4 month sleep regression...that I am hoping will pass soon (actually the last two nights weren't bad). After a nice long stint of either sleeping through the night (like 9-12 hours!) or waking just once to eat then straight back to sleep, she has changed gears on us. Lila has been waking us between 1-4am with the gentle sounds of cooing and laughing. It is a sad thing when you wake to such sweet noises and cringe. Because you see, if she wakes crying, this means hunger, nurse, back to sleep, 20 minutes tops. If she wakes in this delightful mood, it means at least 1.5 hours, as many as 2.5 hours attempting to get the little bug back to sleep so we can squeeze out a little nap before getting up for work. We have tried to not reinforce this behavior. We let her play in her bed (which is still the travel pack and play inches from my side of the bed) until she gets bored, and therefore fussy, and eventually crying. Then, we do the usual middle of the night routine - Joe changes her diaper, and I nurse. And nurse, and nurse, in hopes that she will fall asleep. But, alas, on these nights, she looks at me with wide eyed smiles when she is done eating, and continues with the cooing and laughing. So Joe and I take turns bouncing on the yoga ball, trying not to fall asleep/fall off, and attempting to lull Lila back to lullabye land. We try the rocking chair (so we can "almost" sleep). Lila is not soothed by this, gets bored, and cries. We try bouncing her back to seep in her bouncy chair which we set in the pack and play, so that we can lay down, barely moving one hand at 2:30am. This worked only once. We try having her face her fish tank so that the lights and fishies mesmorize her back into dreamland. This apparently gets boring. So we bounce. And eventually, she does fall back asleep. Usually at around 6am, exactly 30 minutes before the alarm goes off and we start the long busy day again.
It would be easy to get frustrated. It would be easy to get sad, mad, or delusional. Sometimes this 2 hour middle of the night playtime happens twice in one night. It makes the mornings seem impossible, the workdays seem eternal, and the following evenings disastrous, as Lila is also exhausted (and this girl is not a napper). It would be easy.
However, I have both the misfortune and the blessing to know there are other families out there who are not as lucky as Joe and I are. As I hold smiley Lila, bouncing precariously on the yoga ball at 4:30am, I am more aware lately that her lungs are strong and efficient, her heart is regular and beats with ease. Her brain is growing and quick, her arms and legs quick around and her eyes and ears take in the world. All I have to do is think about the little babies and kids out there who spend weeks in the hospital, weeks on a ventilator, who have not been home yet since they have been born. And I snuggle Lila a little closer. I bounce a little longer. I say continuous prayers. Knowing so many families with sick babies is very sad and disheartening sometimes. However, it has shown me strength, and God's graces in the strength that surrounds these families. it has made me so grateful and aware of my blessings. So, I am embracing my late (late) night date nights with Lila, and know they will not go on forever, and that every day, every wakeful middle of the night moment, is a blessing. And God Bless little Caleb, little Chaia, little Grant and their mommies, daddies, families, friends, and the doctors and nurses who are caring for them. Amen.
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